The Table Defense

I’ve ran into several people that seem to make a huge deal out of things they do, simple tasks. For example, years ago I had a job as a leasing agent for an apartment community. The company hired what was referred to as a “floater agent” who went back and forth between two communities to help on certain days when short staffed. She started at our property not long after I was hired and we were kind of being trained simultaneously. She was a “Chatty Cathy” and loved to gossip with the head Property Manager.

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Every day this went on for long periods of time, practically all day.

Spending all that time on the phone the woman got very little accomplished. Her talking about all she did was what I like to call “The Table Defense”. Basically, it’s when a person talks about every simple, mundane task they do so that it adds up and looks like they accomplished an impressive amount.

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It’s your JOB to hold that much shit, you are a TABLE!

The Table Defense does give the illusion that someone is accomplishing quite a bit, if the person defending has perfected it. Simple tasks can seem increasing complicated.

“I took the trash out. I showed an apartment. I made up a lease….”

“I showed 6 apartments and did 5 leases and took over $10,000 worth of rent and hand wrote receipts. Why is taking the trash out even on your GD list?! Those are things that happen every day. You are a leasing agent!” This woman made me scream inside.

I  think that the worst Table Defenders are most likely products of over rewarding parents.  Maybe they were rewarded for every little thing they did as a kid. Maybe they still crave that adoration or maybe they still get it. Maybe their parents still congratulate them every time they take a dump.

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On the flip side, maybe they are constantly seeking approval for every little thing because they never received it.

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Now, I’m not a leasing agent anymore. But 2 of my jobs have been in that field and it has taught me a lot about people. Fellow employees and leasees both. Though people tend to baffle me, they don’t really surprise me anymore. As for the floater agent, using The Table Defense distracted others from the fact that she was stealing application fees at night. She didn’t last long.

Those that use The Table Defense usually won’t last long, and if they do people will tire of them and see that they are trying to hide something, usually laziness; in that last example laziness AND theft.

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Why does wanting to be average feel so wrong?

I am an only child, and I believe like most only children I was brought up to believe that I was special, nay EXTRAORIDINARY. So, I thought that by that time I was, oh the ripe ol’ age of 26, that I’d be that extraordinary adult that I dreamt I would be as a child.  Rock star, Actress,  Artist. The kinda profession that would make your high school reunion “interesting”.

“Me now? Oh, I’m just a Rocket Scientist that lives on MARS and play a mean guitar. SUCK IT!”

Okay, so I never wanted to be a rocket scientist. And I may not have believed that I’d be a Rockstar. But I did always think that I’d be, well, something notable to at least make most people envious. Because after all I was supposed to be extraordinary.

So I went to art college.

1. Because I love art and I was decent at it.

2. Because I wanted to go to a school that catered to the creative unordinary people.

I decided to major in animation, because I loved the idea of moving art that could easily be shared with the masses.

And thus I had a goal. Work for an animation studio. Continue being awesome but become MORE awesome and eventually direct and become the face of a studio.

“Oh, you made that movie my kid loves…. With the bunnies? That movie’s hilarious.”

“Yeah, I’m impressive…. And what do you do?”

“I sell Kias.”

“Oh. I liked those commercials with the hamsters in them. Though, I never really thought giant ethnic hamsters would drive a Kia…”’

“Yah, life would be better if they did drive them though…”

He wishes!

However, I didn’t work for a studio and don’t even think that’s my dream anymore. Though, that is hard to admit and say. Since I got that 6 figure debt.

I think we all want to be envied. And I just wondered when I went from wanting to be extraordinary to being okay with being ordinary and well…

Wanting to be a Volvo driving soccer mom!

Is that even a goal? Isn’t that just something that just happens.

I’d like to note that when Harry saw this picture he asked why HE has doing all the work. Because apparently wranglin’ too youngsters isn’t enough. Really?

I went from wanting red carpet treatment to wanting hardwood floors and watching HGTV all of the time.

And I feel like a head of the curve. None of my friends what kids yet. Like even kind of mentioning my secret craving to wanting children ends with a snarled lip and a “really?”. Yes, really!

The only way I can figure this out is

1. I had a great mom and she made me realize that it’s like the most important job ever!

2. Because I kinda ‘mom’ everything.

(True Story. And it was Halloween and I was a pea pod. A child-friendly costume, that is until someone makes it dirty and tells your boyfriend he should go home and EAT his vegetables.)

It’s true that I do “Mom” everything and use my superior knowledge of logic to let people know when they are wearing “Bad idea Jeans”. Because of this “superior logic” I’ve been accused of being a member of the “NFL” (no fun league).

My strength is being a know-it-all that likes to point out when she is right, and often is. Isn’t that the very definition “Mom”?

I went from wanting to be an artist/cartoonist to being content with having an average, stable, descent -paying job. Average… saying the word still seems wrong. I never wanted to be Average. I didn’t even want to earn a “C” in school because it was Average.

But was it being brought up as an only child that makes average feel like such an awful thing? Part of me still feels as though I’m destined for more.

In the Future Only Bums Will Wear Ed Hardy

While Harry and I were driving in the car a couple of weeks ago we passed by this “meat head” looking “Bro” in an Ed Hardy t-shirt.

Me- “Ugh. I can’t believe that’s fashionable. Well, everything goes out of style eventually.”

Harry- “One day only bums will wear Ed Hardy.”

The first sign that something is out of style. Those unattractive by typical definition start wearing it.

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Doesn’t he look so cool?

Sign 2 that it’s out of style. Grandma buys it.

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Yes, he does Grandma. Yes, he does.

When Grammy starts buying it, the trend is totally dead and tons of the items will be donated. Thus, the poor souls that live on the streets will suffer a bit more.

Hopefully we can all be understanding of just how desperate they are and lend a hand, or a new shirt.

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“Oh, honey he looks so desperate. Can’t we give him a couple of dollars?”

When Harry Met Missy (Part 2)

~First Date

Our first date was the first time we had actually met.  We had talked every night on the phone and I felt like I had known him forever.

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“More cleavage!”

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We immediately fell into a hug and embrace.

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We dined at a nice restaurant. I felt comfortable and that I could truly be myself.  I felt at home.

After dinner we went back to his house to listen to records and talk.  That’s when Harry “Ted Mosby’ed” me.  He told me that he loved me on the first date.  Though I didn’t say it back and had a very good feeling.  We haven’t been apart much since that night. Exactly two years ago today.

Happy anniversary Harry!

When Harry Met Missy

Things are about to get real sappy here people. Prepare.

Nearly two years ago on March 6th, 2010 my now fiancé and I met for the first time and had our first date.  These next few posts are telling how we found eachother, had our first date and remain together.

~The Internet = The New Cupid

Over the past couple of years more and more of the people I know have used an internet dating site to try and find a mate.  With shortage on time and being a streamlined world it saves a lot more time to search the internet then going to the bar to scour drunken night life.  Plus, there is a part of you that is more detached from it all.  There is a slightly less sense of rejection when your advances are ignored by no response then in person when someone isn’t interested.  Plus, I always found rejecting people to be very difficult.

Dude I’m not interested in- “Can I buy you a drink?”

Me- “Oh, no thank you.”

Dude- “Come on. One drink.”

Me- “Oh, no thanks I don’t drink.”

Dude- “But you’re drinking something right there.” *takes a sip.

Dude- “That’s a gin and tonic.”

Me- “And that was rude. Good day sir!”

See, difficult.

Anyway, the guys on the website I was paying for were….a little underwhelming.

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I was expecting something a little more exceptional crop. My thought process was the guys must really be looking for love and a serious relationship. I mean, they were willing to pay for it like me.

So my friend suggested a free dating site I hadn’t considered. Let’s just call the site “Plenty of Guppies”.  I searched through all the sleaze and stumbled upon…Harry.

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I messaged him and waited for a response. And waited… and waited.

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He finally messaged back and we started talking online and learning more about each other.  He was away on business so we talked online and on the phone nightly.

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Okay so the conversation was more stimulating then that.  But you get the point.

The next post if about our first date, the first time we officially met.